Review HH.02 — The Counselor

J and I saw "The Counselor" as a "bonus" Guys' Movie last Friday.

It taught me something: From now on, I'm looking long and hard before I buy a ticket to any movie Brad Pitt's in. He isn't the star, Michael Fassbender is. But lately, the movies Pitt chooses are less-than, well, stellar.

Although "The Counselor" has its moments, they're few. And I know the latest trend in cinematic technique is the more frenetic, the better. However, when that's coupled with an excess of jump-cuts and flashbacks, it becomes confusing, exhausting and, finally, boring. I actually nodded off a couple times during this "action" flick.

Javier Bardem, whoever he is, all but steals the show in a supporting role. The rest of the cast — including Cameron Dias and Penelope Cruz — seemed to be hanging around waiting for the movie to end so they could cash their checks and split. Maybe that's because the script seemed to leave their characters without direction or a goal. 

I think the writers and director Ridley Scott, whose sci-fi stuff I REALLY like, never define just what is going on, plotwise. But I'm just guessing. I'm not yer sophisticated "cinema expert."

I give "The Counselor" 1 knuckle sandwich, 2 Uzis and 1 sleep mask. Guys, see this flick only on $5 Tuesday — and only if you're reeeeally bored.

Review UST? — Escape Plan

Saw "Escape Plan" last $5 Tuesday. It's another of those ol'-guy action hero movies; it starred Stallone and Schwarzenegger. Was pretty durn good. We old guys can really rock it every once in a while!

Not the perfect Guys' Movie: No car crashes. Maybe a couple things blew up, but I can't remember for sure. So, I guess, any big bangs weren't that big or bangy. No babes, no sex. (Yeah, I know. You're asking, "Why the heck do we wanna see it, then?")

'Cuz it has a nifty premise, which I'm not telling you about here, and it's pretty durn exciting. Besides, it has enough beatings, fights and gunplay to make up for its shortfalls. And none of the heroes take their shirts off. Can't beat that!

Moms, your boys might like it. Not particularly bloody. Language is pretty tame. But you probably won't — unless, of course, you're the sort of woman who likes bare-knuckle fights.

If you don't look too hard at some of the technical slip-ups, this is a good action flick for guys. I give it 5 knuckle sandwiches, 1 pretzel for plot twist, and 2 treadmills for action — oh, and 1 anchor.

Great way to spend an afternoon. Go see it!