Review — Noah Means No

Took The Wife to see "Noah" this afternoon. (Yeah, yeah, I know. It's borderline illegal for a Real Guy to take his Babe to a bonified Guys' Movie.)

I have just three words for it:
"Gobble.
"Gobble.
"Gobble."

Now, we don't go to Hollywood movie "events" expecting accuracy; especially when it comes to dealing with religion. However, we did — given the TV hype and in-theater trailers — expect some sort of entertaining sci-fi/mystical/spiritual/adventure/rework-of-mythology movie. What we saw was poultry!

The cgi special effects are ho-hum. The writers (I hesitate to use that word for whoever did the screenplay.) slide in several messages that I'm sure are waaaay subtle. Example: The Bad Guy paraphrases Genesis 1:26 that says God gave Man "dominion" over all the creatures of the earth. And the obvious intent is that's BAD!

The actors do well, I must admit: Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly and Emma Watson. But neither they nor even profits from the inflated snack bar prices save this movie. As we left, I remarked to The Wife, "I didn't much like it." The ticket-taker lady overheard, leaned over and whispered, "Neither does anyone else." That says a lot.

It gets 1 Oscar silhouette for the actors' efforts and 6 Butterballs for everything else. Save your money.  "Noah" is a real turkey!